·         Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have any guts.

·         What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap!

·         What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A wash-and-wear wolf.

·         What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
They boo-kle their seatbelts.

·         What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula.

·         What do you call someone who puts poison in another's corn flakes?
A cereal killer.

·         Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
Because if they were small and round and smooth, they'd be M&M's.

·         Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!

·         How did the ghost patch his sheet?
With a pumpkin patch.

·         What do witches use on their hair?
Scare spray.

·         What is as sharp as a vampire's fang?
His other fang.

·         What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Twick or Tweet.

·         What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
Tombstones.

·         Why should a skeleton drink ten glasses of milk a day?
It's good for the bones.

·         What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?
Pillowcases.

·         What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash.

·         Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away.

·         What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling.

·         What does a vampire fear most?
Tooth decay.

·         Where did the vampire open his savings account?
At a blood bank.

·         Where do mummies go for a swim?
To the Dead Sea.

·         What is Transylvania?
Dracula's terror-tory.

·         Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie.

·         What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by its circumference?
Pumpkin pi.

·         Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.

·         Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

·         What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A boo-loney sandwich.

·         How does the silly witch know what time it is?
She looks at her witch-watch.

·         What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to.

·         What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
An amoeboo!

·         How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels.

·         Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

·         What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed.